1/ Never tell anyone anything. They have no right to know. Anyone would think shareholders owned the company or something!
2/ Do whatever you want. Spend shareholder money on acquisitions, but don’t feel any need to tell them why or with what result (see (1) above).
3/ Never answer enquiries from shareholders. Tell your staff to do the same – even if they are meant to be in a PR function!
4/ Despite the fact that you never tell anyone about anything, hire the most expensive PR company the shareholders can afford. Then pay them to do nothing (because you never release any news – see points 1-3 above)
5/ Spend company money flying around the word speaking at conferences and telling everyone how clever you are. It makes you feel good about yourself!
6/ Don’t feel any need to be consistent. Feel free to move from a position of being ‘very excited’ about Transaction Hijacking to stating that it is not ‘on the horizon’ in the space of a few months. Consistency is for little people, not towering tech geniuses like you!
7/ Ignore the share price. It’s not real. Only your own opinion of your abilities and superiority is real. Everything else is a conspiracy!
8/ Don’t feel that you ever have to buy shares in your own company, or give any reason for not doing so. Let the mug punters risk their money on Blinkx shares – why should you?! Don’t let your lack of a holding – and the lack of explanation for the lack of a holding – prevent you from telling any journalist who will listen at every opportunity how bright Blinkx’s future is. If any of those journalists ask why you’ve never bought any shares just hum loudly and look out of the window. Ignore them – they’ll soon go away!
9/ Liven up your working day by f**king with shareholders’ minds. When the pressure to release news becomes too great, choose the most trivial, inconsequential deal you can think of to release an RNS about. So release an RNS about BobVila.com, but not about MySpace. Or Zango.
10/ Enjoy life! You are a towering titan of the coming Experience Age! The world lies at your feet! Any shareholders who think you are doing a shit job and should be sacked immediately are just moaning minis who lack the vision and foresight to see what you see. Little people – who needs ‘em?
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